Day 5: Your definition of love, in great detail

Junior Homecoming, 1997. My high school boyfriend was cute, in that Fred Savage way! Also, my mom made my periwinkle blue dress.

I thought I knew what love was when I was 16 and 19, but I think I had it wrong. I did, said, acted, responded and pined appropriately. But when it came down to allowing my own, true self to shine through, I had lost touch of what that looked like. I was Cara, with boyfriend. Not Cara or Wickey (a nickname I've held since the age of 17 from my dear friend Cassie Lei). It took a long time (8+ years or so) to figure out what made me happy and I'm really thankful for that time to myself. I believe that in order to be truly happy in a relationship, a person needs to be happy with their own person and know to some extent what they want out of life.

Rose Formal, 2000. I had a thing for blue dresses. Also, my college boyfriend was cute in a Gap ad sort of way! At least that was my roommate's opinion.

Love isn't getting down on yourself when you can't be around your significant other. It isn't wallowing at home when they're out doing something else. Love is taking responsibility for your own actions and figuring out what to do on your own time. It should never hurt too much to tell a person you love them; it should come out of your mouth naturally, with plenty of raw emotion and accountability. Love is not obsessive or needy; it allows for room to breathe and evolve. Love listens, tries earnestly not to judge, and gives those involved a chance to give back. Love expects nothing in return.

Skipping into the start of our marriage, August 2009.

The first time I told Andy that I loved him, we weren't that far into our relationship. I told him I had been "in my head" lately and that I needed to consult April for advice. Andy wondered and asked if I was in love, and I said yes. I asked him the same, to which he also responded yes. It was there, at Muchas Gracias, that we made our official declaration, over the special # 3 and a burrito. There was most likely a bit of giddy laughing and blushing, but we knew it to be true and I wasn't afraid to hold back.

Fall 2008.

Our marriage hasn't been rainbows and sunshine each and every day, but we take our marriage one day at a time and are appreciative of all the good times we've had thus far. The first year was tough and a lot of folks don't talk about how tough the day to day of marriage can be (or the ideas you bring with you to the table of what marriage is supposed to look like). We're getting better at navigating our bad moods and crabby days, giving each other the space we may need. We try not to keep score (who did the dishes, who made dinner), but those petty arguments still come up. We're definitely glad and thankful that we haven't argued about anything major (kids, jobs, etc.), but we navigate the small waves as best we can. Time, communication, laughter, and funny faces continue to make us a stronger, better couple. We're not Andy + wife or Cara + husband; we're always us and fabulous. Exclamation point. :)